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Postcards from Hell I

shutz — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 03:59:31 +0000

Hi Mom,

I’m having a lot of fun on my trip. The weather’s been uniformly hot, and the people here are lots of fun.

Everybody’s who’s anybody is here.

Don’t worry about me, I’m wearing clean underwear, and I’m brushing my teeth after every meal.

Hell is fun!

Your Son

Slaying Vampires, or Apologies to Joss Whedon

shutz — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 04:14:01 +0000

“There I was, enjoying a nice restaurant meal, when these vampires burst in and scared everybody. I picked up my steak, pushed it into that vampire’s heart, and dusted him.”

“Stake isn’t spelled ‘S-T-E-A-K’.”

“Those vamps didn’t seem to know much about spelling.”

“Guess they should have stayed in school.”

And Now, a Word from our Sponsor:

shutz — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 21:31:17 +0000

A commercial.

Young boy who won’t finish his meal:

“I hate peas!”

TV announcer:

“Canned peas got you down? Did you know you can now get peas fresh, frozen, and many other ways?”

Chorus of Pea Industry people and their families:

“All we are saying, is give peas a chance!”