The third time he tried squeezing it, it finally burst.

Then it leaked this milky, disgusting fluid, and kept on doing it for days.

He eventually went to his doctor, who said, “You’re lactating.”

He opened his mouth, real wide. He inserted his hand, then his arm, down his throat. His shoulder dislocated to go farther down. He stopped. Then his arm came back out, and he pulled himself inside out.

“What do you think?”

“You’re still ugly.”