She gave her last scrap of food (chicken bone with bits of meat still left on it) to the fifty-sixth gnome she came across, who let her pass.
And then the fifty-seventh gnome blocked her way.
So she punched him in the face and hurried on.
No more gnomes appeared.
“But before you cross, listen to me!”
“Oh, boy, what now?”
“Crossing the bridge won’t be easy. Hope you brought plenty of food.”
“Is it a long journey?”
“No, but every few minutes, a gnome will stop you and ask for something to eat. Better give them something than argue.”
“Before you can cross the Bridge to Nowhere, you must choose a destination!”
Decisions, decisions.
She would have to make her choice soon, lest her Prince Charming die in the clutches of the evil Fly-Dragon.
“For my destination, I choose… The Other Side!”
The keeper paused momentarily.
“You may pass.”
High noon, middle of Main Street, in Rocky Gulch.
His back to his target.
Five more steps to go.
Four. Three. Two. One.
He spins ’round and lets loose, both guns blazing.
In the end, he’s standing, and his target is down.
His horse is in a better place, now.
Dear Kelly,
I wish you could have joined me. You’d love it here.
It’s never cold, so you wouldn’t need your little blanket.
I still think of all our time together, and it’s really the only thing I miss.
Everything here reminds me of what we did together.
Eternally yours
Hey, Maximum Johnny, you terrific ASSHOLE!
You’d love it here.
Yesterday, I got drunk, and then watched the Titty Parade!
It’s a weekly thing, here. Thousands of fleshy globes… bouncing to the music…
Then I got drunk again, and passed out. I came to in a pool of lava.
Hot!
Hi Grandma,
I brought the sweater you made, but it’s been so hot that I haven’t had a chance to wear it yet. I promise to wear it as soon as it gets a little cooler.
I said hi to Great-Grandpa. He blames you for ending up here.
Bye now!
Hi Dad,
You’d love it here. All the hottest women who’ve ever died are here, and they’re all up for anything.
I just had a threesome with Marilyn Monroe and Jayne Mansfield. Yeah.
Next, I’m going to jam for a bit with Lennon, Elvis, Hendrix and Keith Moon.
Your Son
Hi Mom,
I’m having a lot of fun on my trip. The weather’s been uniformly hot, and the people here are lots of fun.
Everybody’s who’s anybody is here.
Don’t worry about me, I’m wearing clean underwear, and I’m brushing my teeth after every meal.
Hell is fun!
Your Son