Dear Kelly,
I wish you could have joined me. You’d love it here.
It’s never cold, so you wouldn’t need your little blanket.
I still think of all our time together, and it’s really the only thing I miss.
Everything here reminds me of what we did together.
Eternally yours
“Your prayer has been heard; your wish may now be fulfilled. But you must now choose your Champion to face The Challenge. Who will you pick?”
“What are my choices?”
“The world’s strongest. mightiest man, the world’s smartest man, or Sister Mary-Hortense, of Jesus-Our-Savior-From-On-High.”
“I choose Nun of the Above.”
FROM: THE WRITER
TO: PRESIDENT ABRAHAM LINCOLN
FORD’S THEATRE
APRIL 14TH 1865
THIS MESSAGE WAS SENT FROM 200 YEARS IN THE FUTURE STOP
THE PEOPLE OF EARTH WISH TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR INCOMPARABLE SERVICE TO HUMANITY STOP
ALSO WHEN YOU HEAR THE LINE: “YOU SOCK-DOLOGIZING OLD MAN-TRAP” REMEMBER TO DUCK STOP