“There’s nothing I can do now, the puppies will be born sick, and die within minutes.”
My dog would give birth to nine puppies, and he couldn’t do anything.
But I could.
I sent her into the future, where her puppies could be saved.
A bitch in time saves nine.
“Breakthrough!”
“What?”
“I’ve modified this phone. Its reception circuitry is now temporally out of phase.”
“In English, please.”
“This phone is connected to the future.”
“Oh. How far into the future?”
“I dunno.”
“Guess you’ll have to make a call.”
“You do it.”
“No, you.”
Just then, the phone rang.
“This DVD will show us the future!” he said.
“What did you waste your money on, now? Some self-help guru’s prognostications? Some crackpot financial analyst’s get-rich-quick scheme?” she said.
“No, this will be actual footage, from the future! Watch!”
He starts it.
Footage from the lab.
White flash.
Then static.
FROM: THE WRITER
TO: PRESIDENT ABRAHAM LINCOLN
FORD’S THEATRE
APRIL 14TH 1865
THIS MESSAGE WAS SENT FROM 200 YEARS IN THE FUTURE STOP
THE PEOPLE OF EARTH WISH TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR INCOMPARABLE SERVICE TO HUMANITY STOP
ALSO WHEN YOU HEAR THE LINE: “YOU SOCK-DOLOGIZING OLD MAN-TRAP” REMEMBER TO DUCK STOP
A faraway future:
POOF!
“Hi!”
“Who are you?”
“I’m your guardian angel.”
“Boy are you wasting your time, then.”
“Why? You think you don’t deserve me?”
“No.”
“You already have a guardian angel?”
“Nope.”
“You don’t believe in angels?”
“Nah.”
“Then what?”
“I’m an angel too. The humans are gone.”
A watched pot never boils.
An eagerly awaited time machine never arrives.
He’d sent his off exactly two hours into the future.
Six hours later, waiting for it to return, doubt creeped into his mind.
Did he send the time machine forward in time, or did he send it backward?