“But, that pile of straw is in the cell, with us!”
“Shut up, loser. They want us alive, otherwise they would have killed us already. Once they see the fire, they’ll have to let us out. Then we can make our move!”
“Which would be?”
“Getting out of here, dummy!”
He had this para-normal ability about eating and food. He would always know what he was going to eat, days in advance.
He could taste it.
He could feel it go down (or coming up).
Then, one day, it all stopped.
So he killed himself, to avoid starving to death.
He’d killed himself so many times that all his jokes about suicide rang hollow in his heart.
But he soldiered on, moving along the probability axis, from one alternate universe to another, killing any of his alternate selves that he found had not lived as worthy a life as his.
When he was hired, they told him his job was to watch the Big Red Button, and ensure nobody pressed it. That’s it. He took his job very seriously.
Later, his boss brought in someone new. “Her job is to press the Button if told to.”
So he killed her.
This new serial killer was the bane of Hollywood.
Studio executives were terrorized, production companies’ stock was plummeting… Most productions were put on hold, pending the arrest of this madman.
But the populace cheered him on.
The more serials, sequels, prequels and remakes got killed, the more fans he got.