Postcards from Hell V

Dear Kelly,

I wish you could have joined me.  You’d love it here.

It’s never cold, so you wouldn’t need your little blanket.

I still think of all our time together, and it’s really the only thing I miss.

Everything here reminds me of what we did together.

Eternally yours

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Postcards from Hell IV

Hey, Maximum Johnny, you terrific ASSHOLE!

You’d love it here.

Yesterday, I got drunk, and then watched the Titty Parade!

It’s a weekly thing, here.  Thousands of fleshy globes…  bouncing to the music…

Then I got drunk again, and passed out.  I came to in a pool of lava.

Hot!

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Postcards from Hell II

Hi Dad,

You’d love it here.  All the hottest women who’ve ever died are here, and they’re all up for anything.

I just had a threesome with Marilyn Monroe and Jayne Mansfield.  Yeah.

Next, I’m going to jam for a bit with Lennon, Elvis, Hendrix and Keith Moon.

Your Son

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Surprise Witness

“How does the defendant plead?”

Just then, the defendant got up and announced:

“Not guilty, your honor, on account of my wife not being dead after all!”

Before anyone could object, the doors to the courtroom flew open, and an obviously zombified woman walked in.

“My love!” said the defendant.

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Rock Opera

“I just finished my new rock opera.”

“What’s it about?”

“Love, death, suffering…  and bunnies.”

“Bunnies?”

“Gotta have bunnies!”

“Why?”

“They’re universal.”

“How so?”

“Bunnies never leave anyone indifferent.”

“Not true.  I don’t care about bunnies.  Your opera’s a lie!”

“Then you won’t mind if I kill this bunny, here.”

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Sales Pitch

When John died, representatives of Heaven and Hell showed up.

“Come with me, and live in eternal bliss, love and happiness,” said the angel.

“Sounds boring, don’t it?” said the little devil.  “Come with me, it’ll be fun!”

“Your pants are on fire,” said John.

“Occupational Hazard,” said the devil.

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