Postcards from Hell V

Dear Kelly,

I wish you could have joined me.  You’d love it here.

It’s never cold, so you wouldn’t need your little blanket.

I still think of all our time together, and it’s really the only thing I miss.

Everything here reminds me of what we did together.

Eternally yours

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The Choice

“Your prayer has been heard; your wish may now be fulfilled.  But you must now choose your Champion to face The Challenge.  Who will you pick?”

“What are my choices?”

“The world’s strongest. mightiest man, the world’s smartest man, or Sister Mary-Hortense, of Jesus-Our-Savior-From-On-High.”

“I choose Nun of the Above.”

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The Telegram

FROM: THE WRITER

TO: PRESIDENT ABRAHAM LINCOLN

FORD’S THEATRE

APRIL 14TH 1865

THIS MESSAGE WAS SENT FROM 200 YEARS IN THE FUTURE STOP

THE PEOPLE OF EARTH WISH TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR INCOMPARABLE SERVICE TO HUMANITY STOP

ALSO WHEN YOU HEAR THE LINE: “YOU SOCK-DOLOGIZING OLD MAN-TRAP” REMEMBER TO DUCK STOP

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