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“Here’s a neat trick,” he said.

He opened his mouth, real wide. He inserted his hand, then his arm, down his throat. His shoulder dislocated to go farther down. He stopped. Then his arm came back out, and he pulled himself inside out.

“What do you think?”

“You’re still ugly.”

She looked on in mild distaste as I pulled my upper lip down over my chin. The dinner guests were amazed, but she wasn’t. When the guests had gone, she had me do it again, and then she pulled out a stapler.

I have no mouth, and I must scream!