Billy loved to play hide and seek with his shadow.
He used to lose all the time, because his shadow would always find him again when he’d walk into the light, but Billy wised up, and beat his shadow by staying in the shade.
On overcast days, Billy was lonely.
High noon, middle of Main Street, in Rocky Gulch.
His back to his target.
Five more steps to go.
Four. Three. Two. One.
He spins ’round and lets loose, both guns blazing.
In the end, he’s standing, and his target is down.
His horse is in a better place, now.
Dear Kelly,
I wish you could have joined me. You’d love it here.
It’s never cold, so you wouldn’t need your little blanket.
I still think of all our time together, and it’s really the only thing I miss.
Everything here reminds me of what we did together.
Eternally yours
Hey, Maximum Johnny, you terrific ASSHOLE!
You’d love it here.
Yesterday, I got drunk, and then watched the Titty Parade!
It’s a weekly thing, here. Thousands of fleshy globes… bouncing to the music…
Then I got drunk again, and passed out. I came to in a pool of lava.
Hot!
Hi Grandma,
I brought the sweater you made, but it’s been so hot that I haven’t had a chance to wear it yet. I promise to wear it as soon as it gets a little cooler.
I said hi to Great-Grandpa. He blames you for ending up here.
Bye now!
Hi Dad,
You’d love it here. All the hottest women who’ve ever died are here, and they’re all up for anything.
I just had a threesome with Marilyn Monroe and Jayne Mansfield. Yeah.
Next, I’m going to jam for a bit with Lennon, Elvis, Hendrix and Keith Moon.
Your Son
Hi Mom,
I’m having a lot of fun on my trip. The weather’s been uniformly hot, and the people here are lots of fun.
Everybody’s who’s anybody is here.
Don’t worry about me, I’m wearing clean underwear, and I’m brushing my teeth after every meal.
Hell is fun!
Your Son
He had one of those huge, ugly, annoying and itchy pimples that just wouldn’t go away.
The third time he tried squeezing it, it finally burst.
Then it leaked this milky, disgusting fluid, and kept on doing it for days.
He eventually went to his doctor, who said, “You’re lactating.”
Clang! She broke another plate.
“You asshole, you… MAN!” she screamed.
“Calm down… Tell me, what did I do?” he said.
“Nothing… YET!”
“What?”
“I checked the ‘scope, earlier. You’re going to do that SLUT from the coffee shop, tomorrow!”
“But…”
“That thing is always accurate.”
“I…”
“Shut up, asshole.”
He was trying to start a new story.
He needed a title for it. He couldn’t start the story unless he had a title, because the title is what shaped all his stories.
He needed a bold title. Something that would immediately bring the story to mind, without spoiling it.