Published at: 02:09 pm - Thursday September 10 2009
He laughed for a while, then caught his breath. His eyes returned to their vacant normal state. I told the joke again. When I hit the punchline, he laughed. He always laughed for the same duration. Like clockwork. It’s so easy being a comic for people with no long-term memory!
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Published at: 11:09 am - Wednesday September 09 2009
I saw her standing there.
I should have known better.
“I wanna be your man.”
No reply.
“I want to tell you, every little thing… All my loving…”
“Don’t bother me,” she said, she said.
Getting better. It won’t be long.
“Tell me what you see?”
“Misery. Chains. Another girl.”
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Published at: 10:09 pm - Tuesday September 08 2009
“Damn, Bill’s late for work.”
“Again.”
“John told me he was close to getting fired.”
“Isn’t it a bit of an overreaction?”
“Not for a job with these responsibilities!”
“But he just does nothing, all day.”
“He holds down the button that lets the Internet go.”
“I guess you’re right.”
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Published at: 11:09 am - Monday September 07 2009
“I hate Mondays!” As cliché as it was, he really meant it. “Weekends should be longer by one day,” he complained bitterly. “But then, you wouldn’t accomplish anything,” retorted his cubicle neighbor. “Since weekends were extended to start on Tuesday, back in 2078, you’re just proving how lazy you are.”
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Published at: 11:09 am - Sunday September 06 2009
The song was stuck in his head. He couldn’t remember the lyrics, but the melody wouldn’t go away. As he hummed tunelessly, others picked it up and also couldn’t get it out of their heads. Soon, everyone was humming it. And that’s how the song virus destroyed civilization on Earth.
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Published at: 11:09 am - Saturday September 05 2009
When the aliens came, they didn’t waste time learning to communicate. Unless you consider plasma beams communication. They overwhelmed our military and paralyzed them, with minimal collateral damage and civilian casualties.
Then they turned to our governments and made their first communication attempt:
“All your base are belong to us!”
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Published at: 11:09 am - Friday September 04 2009
I can travel anywhere I want, through the power of thought.
I’ve gone around the world, and out in space. I’ve visited the deepest oceans, and the tallest summits. I’ve been inside the Sun.
But right now, I’m in Ottawa.
Sometimes, my mind takes me where I’d rather not go.
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Published at: 11:09 am - Thursday September 03 2009
“He sees you when you’re sleeping, He knows when you’re awake,” sang Tom.
“Why are you singing that song? We’re in September,” said Jim.
“Didn’t you hear? Santa Claus is now a homicidal maniac.”
“I knew that. So?”
“Do you really think he still keeps track of the current month?”
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Published at: 12:09 pm - Wednesday September 02 2009
On a boring day at the passport office, some guy burst in. Looked like he’d been attacked by a bear.
Uncharacteristically, government employees rushed to help him. He was later taken by ambulance.
Turns out he’d infected all the employees with the zombie plague.
Didn’t affect their work performance, though.
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Published at: 11:09 am - Tuesday September 01 2009
He had a very special psychic ability: whatever he would paint would never, ever come to pass.
Even though he would paint what looked like very realistic and believable scenes, the event depicted would never occur.
Unfortunately, he never knew he had this power. Nobody else knew, for that matter.
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