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“It’s like everybody’s out to get me.”

“How does that make you feel?”
“Well, kinda helpless. And depressed. Even my best friends seem to be avoiding me. Heh, I must be imagining things.”

“Even if you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.”

Psychoanalyst: Satan’s new hobby.

With the economy failing, no recovery in sight, the priest showed his solution to a friend.

“Jesus coins?” the friend asked.

“Exchange value guaranteed by our savior himself.”

“How’d you figure?”

“Money’s had a faith component since it stopped being worth its weight in gold.”

“Change you can believe in?”