“There I was, enjoying a nice restaurant meal, when these vampires burst in and scared everybody. I picked up my steak, pushed it into that vampire’s heart, and dusted him.”
“Stake isn’t spelled ‘S-T-E-A-K’.”
“Those vamps didn’t seem to know much about spelling.”
“Guess they should have stayed in school.”
“Tomatoes always lose in a fight: they’re too fragile.”
“Yeah, but potatoes or carrots can’t stand the heat either, they just soften and fall apart.”
“So, who would win in a vegetable food fight?”
“Onions.”
“Why?”
“Onions are natural tear gas, for one. Plus, they are great mine layers.”
“Layers?”
He had this para-normal ability about eating and food. He would always know what he was going to eat, days in advance.
He could taste it.
He could feel it go down (or coming up).
Then, one day, it all stopped.
So he killed himself, to avoid starving to death.